first post

So I guess you want to know how I became a Depressed Sparkle Princess. I'm not going to use any real names to save the dignity of the people involved. That and I'm trying to work on being a better person for those people around me.

So a while ago I became depressed. There was a lot of conflict in my life through family rubbish, work stress and the break down of a long term relationship. I started to become my own worst enemy.

So lets start from the beginning. My parents divorced when I was 6, and my dad pretty much disappeared from my life when i was 10. He then decided to come back into my life when I was 25 and tell my that he was dying. This then caused a lot of conflict between myself and my brother. This then led to me becoming even more alienated than I already was from my somewhat dwindling family.

Then there was the bitching and fighting at work which I will admit I was part of to start with. You will be glad to know that I have renounced myself from being a bitch and have decided to stay clear from the bitching. That just made me feel shitty at work to the point where i started to isolate myself to avoid all the crap.

Then I realised that my relationship wasn't what i wanted. As much as Clive was a lovely guy and did as much as he could to make me happy he just couldn't. He didn't understand who i was or and couldn't make me happy so we split. I had given him chance after chance to work through the problems we faced but things never changed.

I had already met a guy, Bernard, that I had fallen madly for who had been through similar problems to myself. He seemed to understand me and for the first time in my life I let down my guard and stopped hiding who I was and it felt amazing. We made each other laugh and I fell madly in love with him and we were happy. I was easily the happiest I have ever been. I woke up feeling happy and that I had a purpose in life.

We ended up moving in together very quickly. At the time we were both aware that it wasn't the most ideal situation as we hadn't been dating for 3 months before we moved in together. It was convenient for both of us financially and realistically. For a while things were fantastic even though we both faced challenges due to Bernard working through an agency who provided rubbish shifts or no shifts, to me facing stress at work and increased family stress.


As I got more depressed so did Bernard, he was given full time employment at a job he hated, his beloved dog Gertrude had died and coming home to misery bum me was obviously making it worse.
However instead of confronting my problems i took it out on Bernard. A lot. Any time I was stressed at work I came home and yelled at him. I became clingy possessive and jealous which was always something I had never been. I was the sassy independent sparkly bubbly chatterbox who was loud and didn't take any crap. Then I just became a shell of myself a drone. A walking zombie.

Sometimes I wasn't even that stressed but I just seemed to create conflict all the time. I must have looked like I had gone crazy, crying all the time and shouting at stupid stuff. I was tearing Bernard apart. I was then making myself feel worse because our once happy what seemed like a fairytale relationship was breaking down.

After two months of arguing and two self harm events I tried to kill myself. I took an attempted overdose and ended up in A&E.